The Lawson Gazette

Our Komen Discussion on Facebook

2012-02-03T13:37:00.000-08:00

Today I tweeted, "Super disappointed that #Komen bowed down to it's bully. #PlannedMURDER"

I still stand behind my original statement that I am disappointed that Komen reversed a desicion that was based on company policy because Planned Parenthood and its supporters backlashed. In a world where media, teachers, and parents are constantly fighting bullying and empowering individuals to stand and do what is right, a humongous coporation backpeddled because they were bullied. However, in retrospect, I realize that my hashtag at the end was harsh and did not promote the love that God calls me to always live out.

Don't for a second think that I'm siding with Planned Parenthood. I will never support them, recommend any of their services to any person I know (even the free breast/PAP exams, etc). I will never give a single dime of my money to Komen and have not in the past because I knew they supported Planned Parenthood. While I am fully aware that Komen's money to PP is used only for the exams and screenings, I cannot in good concious allow the money God has blessed me with to be used by an organization who also offer abortions, which according to the PP website is "a safe and legal way to end a pregnancy."

I beg to differ. Abortion might be legal (which makes me ashamed of our current ethical status of our government), but it is NOT safe. How can a procedure that ENDS A LIFE be safe? Really, I don't get it. Most supporters of abortion use the argument that it's a woman's choice, and that the pregnancy is unwanted. Again, I disagree. That baby IS wanted! That beating heart, dreaming mind, blinking eyes, kicking legs are all wanted! Perhaps not by the woman carrying the baby, but by many, many people and by the God of this universe! God says in His Word that He knows us even before we were born and that he intricately knit us together in our mothers' wombs!

I recently joined a group of adoptive moms in my area and it has been such a blessing and an enlightening expereice! These women talk about the relationships they have with their children's birth mothers and what a blessing it is for the children, the adoptive parents, and the birth parents! When women and men choose to let a child LIVE and make the difficult decision to share that child with another family, it blesses everyone involved! I've read many accounts of women who have had an abortion and regretted it for the rest of their lives. It affects them emotionally, physically, and wrecks lives (visit http://www.gargaro.com/regrets.html to read some of these devastating stories). I will never understand or agree that abortion is okay in any circumstance.

Now, to address the comments that ensued once my tweet hit Facebook. One of my friends who is not a Christian posted that PP does save lives by detecting cancer in women. I agree with her that it is a great thing to catch cancer early and properly treat it; I think every person would agree with her on that!

And to my Christian friends, thank you for standing up for the truth that we live by. We all know, down to the core of who we are, that aborting a "fertilized egg" is ending a human life, killing a future crayon eater, cutting off a live that would bring so much joy and love to a family! But let us be careful to share the knowledge of truth in love. Remember that we were once bound for the same eternal destination that those who haven't chosen Christ are! It is only through love, forgiveness, and grace that I have been set free, so it is my responsibility as spelled out in God's Word to share the good news of Christ, His truth, and His love to the world.

I'm not telling you to be quiet about God's word, not at all! BE LOUD about God's truth, but do it in such a way that we don't turn people off! We will never convince someone that choosing Christ is the best life possible if we are pushing them away with rudeness. Please don't think I'm coming down on anyone, I'm not. I need this lesson more than any of you. To be quite honest, I didn't feel a twinge of pain when that abortion doctor was killed a year or so ago. But God did. God loved that man and wanted him to repent of his life of carreer-sin.

I guess this is post is just to thank you all for sharing your diverse perspectives. I appreciate the healthy and thought provoking discussion. But remember, Christ followers, we are held to a higher standard. We cannot expect orange trees to produce apples; those who don't know He who is Truth to live by that truth. Let's keep loving them until they want what we have- and that's the Truth that sets us FREE!!

Thank you, friends! I really do appreciate what each of you contributed to our conversation!

A Lesson from a Daytime Show, er I mean the Old Testament

2012-01-04T19:45:00.001-08:00

So along with millions of other Americans, I'm reading through the Bible using a 365 Day Planner (download YouVersion for all you smart phone users, it's a great resource!). I'm still in Genesis and I've read the whole book a zillion times, but tonight God showed me some big stuff that I had not seen before!

Most of you probably know this story, but let's recap really quickly. Abram and Sarai wanted children REALLY badly. They tried for decades, but couldn't have children. Abram had a discussion with God in which God revealed that He would build a great nation of peoples through Abram's offspring. Sarai got impatient and sent her servant Hagar to have sex with Abram and thus we have Ishmael. Abram mistakenly believed God would build the great nation through Ishmael, but God clearly stated that Abram and Sarai would have a child of their own (unrelated note: could you imagine that conversation? "Uh, no, Abram. It was not part of my plan for you to go and sin to fulfill My plan through your wife's scheming ways of adultery..."). God called out to Abram, reminded him that God is God and He is Almighty, and because it was such a significant moment, God changed Abram's name to Abraham and Sarai's name to Sarah. One year later Sarah gave birth to their son Isaac, through whom the great nation would be built. Hagar and Ishmael continued to be a part of the family (twisted and disfunctional as it was...but hey, everyone has their quirks!) until at a great feast celebrating Isaac, Sarah found Ishmael teasing Isaac, so she (Sarah) demanded that Abraham kick them out of the family. With hesitance (because Ishmael was his son), Abraham gave them food and water and sent them away, removing Ishmael from any future inheritance. (Check this story out in full in Genesis 16, 17, & 21)

Now, I can't help but feel sorry for Hagar and especially for Ishmael! She was forced to have sex with her master's husband, carried his child, and then was hated by Sarah because Hagar conceived so easily when Sarah could not. And poor Ishmael, he was born into this soap opera! BUT, here's what God showed me tonight in my study time: Sometimes we are born into less than desirable circumstances, but our decisions can make or break us despite those circumstances!

Take another look. Why did Hagar and Ishmael get excommunicated? Because Ishmael was mistreating his little brother! Not because he was the bastard child of the mistress, but because of something he chose to do!

Now, think about how this applies to us. Some people are born into really unfavorable circumstances. Alcoholism. Poverty. Generations of failed marriage. Drug addiction. Lack of education. Slavery to sin. GOD OFFERS HOPE! He is freedom FROM sin so that we don't have to play the cards that life sometimes deals! We just need to choose Christ with our hearts, confess Him as Lord with our lips, and we are FREE! (See Romans 10:9-10)

Friend, what have you allowed to be your fate? Don't let statistics tell you what you will be! Break free from that mold and be who God wants you to be!

Celebrating,

Gwenny

Christmas cards

2011-12-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

I ordered our Christmas cards on Shutterfly today and I can hardly wait to get them!

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Marriage and Surprises

2011-12-08T23:13:00.000-08:00

I'm so proud of my husband. Like, really, really proud. He works hard to provide a great life for the kids and I. He loves the Lord and loves our babies. What more could I ask for? Yes, he still farts and often leaves an empty toilet paper roll just sitting there...waiting to be changed...by someone other than him. My point is that, for the most part, he's the most awesomest dude ever. Second to Jesus. But He set the standard pretty high, you know, so being second to Him is saying quite a bit.

He drives a car that was graciously given to us a few years ago, but the ol' thing has seen better days. So over the summer I got a wild hair and decided I was going to get a few extra jobs and buy him a car for Christmas. And not tell him.

I made curtains. I cut grass. I made more curtains. I cleaned houses. I made yet some more dad gum curtains. I did some landscaping, painting, organizing. I made clothes, baby slings, and yes, some more flippin' curtains. And I hung Christmas lights, not knowing exactly how an extension ladder worked. Turns out the death warnings are supposed to be right side up, lest ye ladder come falling to the pavement. But that's aWHOLEnother blog post.

But, it was really weird. I found myself loving Tim more as I completed all the tasks knowing that I was doing all these odd-jobs so he could drive a nicer car. Even when I thought I was going to fall over and die in triple digit heat working outside, there was a sense of, "Man, I really love my husband."

So for half of the last year I've saved, worked, taken on extra sewing jobs, and stuck it all in a secret savings account that I may or may not have threatened the lady at the bank not to tell my husband about. There was some hard work involved on my part, but this whole surprise gig would not have been possible if not for the incredible generosity of a couple that hired me to work for them. My favorite part is that through the process of trying to make enough money to get Tim a newer car is that I came out with some pretty awesome new friends. Sorry, I'm getting off-topic, but it was important enough I had to mention.

Enter in the dilemma. After several weeks at my new top-secret job, Tim got suspicious and asked me what I was up to. It seems that if I come home covered in mud and sweat from doing yard work at aforementioned job some people tend to think it a bit fishy. So I used vague and loose phrases to communicate something along the lines of, "Just shut up and don't ask me anything else or I'll punch you square on your left cheek because I'm tryin' to surprise your nosey self!"

Tim assumed and I didn't correct him to think that we were going to take a vacation around Christmas time. I avoided lying as much as I could and when he asked, "Are we driving or flying?" I responded with, "Oh, it's a lot of driving. A LOT of driving." Truthful? Yes. Totally honest and forthcoming? Perhaps I have room for improvement. There were many moments of "Oh snap, how do I handle this?" but for the most part, I did okay thinking off the top of my head, which doesn't happen to be one of my spiritual gifts.

So a couple weeks ago the best car dealer in the WORLD (Contact Jim Baer at www.cardinalcredit.com if you're looking for a good pre-loved car) called and said he found the perfect car. I knew I couldn't hold it in any longer and wanted to reveal the surprise NOW!

Ergo, we have today. I woke up with a nervous stomach brought to me in part by yesterday's stomach flu with support from a great deal of anxiety about how he would respond to such a surprise. Now I realize that my husband, unlike me, does not carry around little packets of confetti to toss out at exciting moments and doesn't have Inspector Gadget-like pom-pons that break loose from his palms just in time for a cheer. That said, I was still hoping for a "HOLY COW!" or "WHAT ON EARTH?!"

I hummed "Eye of the Tiger" as I saw Tim pull into the church so he could (wink, wink) "help me carry some stuff out to the car" (wink, wink). So I walked him right past our car, he turned and said, "Uh, the car is right there..." and that, my friends, is where we pick up:

Can I just say that during the last several months when I was shoveling gravel on a ridiculously humid July day, I imagined how he would turn a cartwheel when I magically unveiled his sweet new ride! When I sewed through my ever-loving finger for umpteenth time, the pain was soothed with visions of Tim sweeping me off my feet, twirling me around like Beauty and the Beast, spouting sonnets of what a wonderful surprise I had given him!

But, he just stood there. Looking at me. And my co-workers that had gathered at a second story window of the church to witness the glorious moment shrugged and said, "That's it? Hmph." and returned to more exciting things. Like stuffing envelopes.

But, hey! That's what marriage is all about! How boring would it be if we were all the same? In that moment, I had to rush back inside for my next class but after school I came home to find a grinning-ear-to-ear guy who had apparently just come out of shock because his crazy wife just sprung the surprise of lifetime on him, and he spoke right to my heart. He wrapped me in that unmistakable "Come here, Baby!" embrace, I gave him that never misunderstood "Um, the kids are still up" look, and I said, "I have SO many stories to tell you!" We plopped down on the kitchen floor and I back-filled him on all the times I had to use my cover story, on all the crazy jobs I'd done, and how I'm pretty sure the new accounts lady at the bank didn't believe my story. He threw his head back and laughed, asked so many questions that started with, "So, that time when..." and I said, "Uh-huh! Yep!" Most importantly, I reminded him how proud I am of him and that I'm super glad to be his sidekick in ministry and in life.

Then he forced us all into his new car and we drove to see our parents to show it off. Eli cried half the trip because he wants the old green car back. Awesome.

Crazy Life?

2011-10-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago I called my mom hoping that she would open her mouth and comforting words of wisdom would flow out as I eeked ever so close to the edge of completely losing my sanity. As usual, she did her typical SuperMom thing and spoke to me exactly what I needed to hear. She's always great like that!

Anyway, the story goes a little something like this: I was bathing the kids (Tim was not home at the time), Eli was being a bit of a domestic terrorist, Emmanuel was a tad sensitive, and I was not handling the combination well. When I called my mom, my voice had that "come-get-your-grandkids-now" tone, and she responded in a calm, soothing voice. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it was super helpful. She reminded me to be patient with them, not to raise my voice, and to let them be the fun loving and goofy kids they are. She then said something that has reverberated in my mind many times since: If I could go back and do it all again, I'd do it very differently.

She was and still is a great mom. I remember her taking us to the park when we were pretty little and using wax paper to slicken-up the slide so we would soar down it (once I flew off the end and landed in a puddle and had to ride home in a laundry basket so my muddy hind parts didn't smear on the back seat). One time in high school I was the only girl on the cheer squad that didn't get a Christmas gift from my cheer pal so she snuck into my locker the next day and left me a gift (better than any other gift the rest of the cheerleaders got, to boot!). And more times than I can count she has come to babysit Eli and Emmanuel and when I get home the house is clean, dinner is simmering on the stove and my kids faces are dirty from playing at the park (I wasn't kidding when I said she's SuperMom!).

But back to the point, she said she would go back and do it all differently because she wanted to do a better job. When I look back at my life, there isn't one thing I've done that I am totally happy with how I did it. I wish I would have been more kind and loving to others in high school. I wish I would have made better decisions in college- I know I missed out on what major God wanted me to have, I'm pretty sure I didn't go to the college He wanted me to go to...really, I could go on and on. But my mom's statement scared me for one reason. I CANNOT get my job as a wife and as a mom wrong. I may have messed up in the past, but I CAN'T get this one wrong! I don't want to look back when my kids are going off to college and think, "Boy, I just wish I would have done better. I wish I would have been more patient when they were splashing me with water that one time when I was getting them ready for bed when Tim was gone and I was grumpy. I wish I would have played with them more and barked at them less."

So, my whole point (to myself, the rest of you probably already get it) is that I need to be quick to love my kids and slow to become angry at them (see James 1:19-20 for a scripture on this). Yep, we have a crazy life here at the Lawson Dude Ranch, but it's a great one! My husband works hard to provide a good life for us, he loves the Lord and treasures us. Eli is crazy smart, laugh-out-loud funny, and as handsome as the day is long. Emmanuel is sweet, she's a momma's girl (which I LOVE), and is a sneaky little turkey! We have supportive family, great friends, and a church like no other. What more could I ask for?

After I got off the phone with my mom, I got the kids jammied-up and put in bed. I went back downstairs to hop in the shower and pulled the curtain back to find colorful foam letters clinging to every square inch of where I wanted to be standing. But I just smiled, arranged them to remind myself to love the moment, and snapped this picture.

A time for everything...

2011-09-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Let me first say "Thank you!" Thank you to all of you who have supported my family by being a part of the world's best clients. You all have allowed me to be at home with my babies and earn toward our family's income. If not for all my clients (and those of you who encouraged me, gave me good ideas, and informed me that some of my ideas weren't so good) this three year journey would not have been possible.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 the Bible says, "For everything there is a season, a time for every matter under heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."

So, in short, there is a time for everything. I know, my paraphrasing skills are out of this world. There was once a time to learn them, and now is the time to use them. Okay, sorry. Moving on.

Three and a half years ago we moved here to Maryville and Eli was just a tiny little sprout. I desperately wanted to stay at home with him, but we were at the point that we had to have more income than what Tim was bringing in. So, I dusted off my sewing machine (the same one my mom learned to sew on in seventh grade!) and turned out a few items. Thankfully, other people liked them (or pitied me) enough to buy them and little by little God grew my business. There were hard times and harder times, but I would not trade my experience as a designer and seamstress for anything in the world! I got to make things for very famous clients (one of which you all know as the STL Cardinal who broke the record for homers in one season!) and had the honor to make things for children in need. Best of all, I got to be a part of YOUR family by making clothes, bedding, curtains, costumes, and just about anything you could think of!

Just as with most things in life, there always comes an end. And after much talking, praying, talking, a bit of crying, talking, some fighting, talking, and a little more talking, Tim and I have decided it is the best move for our family for me to close my business, Stitches and Seams By Gwen.

I am in the process of closing my Etsy shop, but will leave up my website for 3 more months to honor my commitment to the Mommies-To-Be registered with me. I will also be glad to service my local clients on a limited basis through Christmas of this year, but please know that my turn around time will be much slower since my focus is turning from sewing to being the best dern Mommy I can! And of course, all current orders will be completed on the time schedule I originally gave you.

I shared our decision with a few clients today at the market and they all said the same thing, "But WHYYYYY?!?"

That's a great question, and let me share my heart with you.

Over the last three years, I went from sewing a few hours a week to sewing 40, 50, even 60 hours a week. It went from something I enjoyed doing while Eli was napping to something I was doing while Eli was watching TV all day or I was staying up until 4am regularly to do.

Don't get me wrong, I still love doing it (most of the time) but it has become more of a burden on my family than the blessing of having the income. God has graciously provided a new way for me to earn income by teaching at a WONDERFUL school, so it seems that, in the words of my very best girlfriend, that "God is providing a way to do what He's calling me to do."

First and foremost, I am so thankful God allowed me to have this amazing opportunity to learn so many things through my business and that I got to meet so many great people. I never would have met my sister-from-afar (who I've never actually met in person) Christy Bozeman, I wouldn't not have gained my market sister and partner in crazy living Lori Rehg. Life just wouldn't be the same without my entire Goshen Market family! And I will never forget the kindness of the Tie-Dye lady from Edwardsville that packed up my booth the morning Fred died and I couldn't return to the craft fair.

I'm beyond thankful and indebted to my mom, Karen, and grandma, Blanche, for taking my frantic calls and talking me through fixing mis-haps, broken machines, threading the surger (GRRR!), and picking me up off the floor when I'm ready to throw my sewing machine out the window. Without them, I would have been out of business ages ago!

And I would be remiss to leave out my life partner, my soul mate, and my Skip-Bo enemy Timbolicious. He's made fabric runs (literally, 11pm fabric runs), taken box after box after box to the post office, and accompanied me to more craft fairs than any man should have to tolerate.

My knuckles are white with tension as I desperately try to hang on to my business, but I'm slowly seeing that life at the Lawson Dude Ranch will improve ten-fold if I choose to close this wonderful chapter in life and begin a new one. Gosh, perhaps I'm blowing this out of proportion. It sounds like I'm dying. Sorry guys, this is a big deal to me. Just hang with me. I'm almost done.

I just want to thank all of you one last time from the bottom of my heart. You all are such a blessing to me!

Oh, and one last thing. Is there a change God is calling you make? Is there something BIG (or maybe just big to YOU) that you could/should/would do? If so, give it some thought, a big ol' heap of prayer, and seek some wise counsel. You never know what God could be working on without you knowing it!

I love you all!

In Christ,

All Sewed Out

PS- Is it too late to delete this post and let's go back to the way things were 5 minutes ago?? Oh dear, this is not going to be easy.... Deep breath, Lawson! Deep breath!

Really? Already??

2011-07-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

Today my baby girl turned one. As in one year old. As in 12 months old. As in 365 days old. As in holy night, how did this happen?! And she's so ridiculously sweet and charming that you'll cry just looking at her. And then she'll stick her tongue (which is precariously purple most of the time) out at you and growl like an angry dog. And you'll laugh hysterically.

She has been standing all on her own for a good month or so. On July 1 she took her first single step; and last night she took six consecutive steps. But only because she was focused on the hairbow I was dangling in front of her. Today Daddy bribed her to walk by holding out a Cheetoh (really? in her new white dress? C'mon, Daddy!) and scooting backwards in his office chair so she never fully realized she was traveling any distance at all. And tonight I coaxed her to move those cute little toes by keeping the remote control just barely out of her reach. And it made me mad. Like, really really mad!

She's only a year old and the dirtbag satan is already whispering lies to her that she's not good enough! She can totally walk all on her own, but she insists on hold my hand, holding on to the couch, or just sitting on the sidelines watching her brother run faster than a hurricane. She just doesn't believe in herself! I KNOW she can do it! When I offer her my finger to hang onto, I don't offer support; my finger is as helpful as a wet noodle! But she thinks she's not good enough by herself and that she needs something to make her stronger.

Okay, I knew as a mother of a girl I'd someday have to deal with self confidence issues. But I was expecting that to be in like, I dunno, 2023?? What's up with that?!

So here's my plan. I'm going to praise the snot out of her. I'm going to tell her how God wonderfully and fearfully hand crafted her, with plans for her future, and a purpose for His glory. I'm going to tell her how I'll love her no matter what- success or failure- and that my love for her will not and cannot shrink. Even bigger than my love, God's love for her can NEVER change- He loves her more than I can even think about loving her! Shoot- I might even break out some pom-poms and busta move to build her up!

Yeah, I realize that I'm not going to do everything right. And even if I did, she will probably have bumps along the way and fall down a time or two (literally and figuratively). When she gets her first zit the day before school pictures, nothing I can say will resolve her embarassment. But I pray that never EVER will she doubt for a second that she was specially created, is deeply loved, and will forever be treasured by the King of Kings, the Great IAM, our God most high!

And friend, I want you to know the same thing! You might not think you're anything special. You've never competed in the olympics, opened for Tim McGraw, or rescued a hostage from behind enemy lines, but YOU ARE LOVED! You don't have to be someone or do anything to receive the biggest love in the world. God loves you where you are, right now! If you don't know who Jesus is, if you've never met the God I know, then go dust off your Bible and walk with me on a sweet journey.

Look up Romans 3:23. Read it outloud. Okay, again. One last time. In a nutshell, it says that everyone has sinned and that no one is good enough for God. None of us can make it into heaven (God's presence) on our own. Eek. Yikes. Ouch. **Sin is anything that misses God's mark of perfection. You can sin by doing the wrong thing (ie: lying, gossiping, lusting, etc) and you can sin by not doing the right thing (ie: not loving the hard to love/annoying people in your life, choosing to turn a blind eye to someone God wants you to help, etc)

Flip over a few pages to Romans 6:23. Read this one outloud, too. Again. And one last time. It tells us that the price tag on sin is death. Oh crud. But, thankfully, it doesn't stop there. It goes on to say that the gift of God is unending forever eternal life through Christ! Huh? Hang with me, this will make sense soon.

Lick your finger and turn a couple more pages to Romans 10:9-10. You know the drill. Read it using your best radio voice. Eh, that was weak. Try it again, but with some gusto. Better. This one tells us that to receive the gift (the one mentioned in the last verse) we have to believe in our hearts and say it with our lips that Jesus is Lord (note: not just your get-out-of-hell-free card, but your boss by choice everyday) and that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved!

Go almost to the end of your Bible. Nope, that's the index. Back up to Revelation and go to chapter 3 verse 20. One last time. Sorry, that's not true; we'll probably do this again with a few more verses. But it's worth it, I promise. It's quoting Jesus and He says that He stands at your heart's door and knocks. He wants to come into your heart to sit down and visit with you; to establish a relationship with you; to really deeply love you and be loved by you! Mmm, hmm...that's good stuff. I like it! He's not just a white bearded guy sitting on the clouds barking orders! He's a kind hearted loving Father that wants to be a part of your life and wants you to be a part of His plan!

Go back to the beginning of the New Testament to John 14:6. I won't tell anyone if you have to go to the table of contents at the beginning to find what page it's on. I still have to do that sometimes, too, and I'm been at this since I was seven! I know...I don't even have to tell you anymore to read it outloud. Oh sorry, I just did. Ever heard that saying that "All roads lead to Rome"? Well, it's simply not true. Not all religions lead to God. or heaven. or Nirvana. or a "happy place". There is only one True God, one Savior, one Holy Spirit. He is THE way to eternal life. Not "a" way, but THE way! And let me tell you, it's a great road to travel! Just like any road in life, there are bumps, potholes, and booby traps. The Bible says this road is narrow and not often traveled. But the very best thing about this road, this way of life, is that you will NEVER be alone! It will never be dark, for God promises to be a lamp for our feet and a light to our path!

If you have never chosen Christ as your Savior and you want Him to be your Lord, just take a minute. Close your eyes so that you don't get distracted by the things going on around you. Pray. Just talk to God. There is no format you have to follow or special words you have to say. Just talk. And listen. It's often said that accepting Christ is as easy as ABC. A: Admit you are a sinner. Tell God you realize you've missed His mark, and turn away from those sins! B: Believe that Jesus is God's son and that He overcame death to pay the tab on your sin-debt! C: Confess that you are choosing, right here and now, Jesus Christ as your Lord and you will here on out choose to live your life with God as your Lord!

When you open your eyes, you might not physically feel any different. You probably still have that scar on your left knee and your breath still stinks. But your heart may seem different. Like the weight of the world has been lifted from your chest. Almost like you are no longer going to be a slave! Yeah, you still gotta go to work and pay your bills every month. You might have to make some really tough decisions, but you will never be the same! You ARE good enough because Christ is enough and you are now with HIM! Like if you go to a club, you can get in because G-to-the-Zus steps out and says, "Oh, she's with me. She can come on in." Doesn't that ROCK??!

Next step: go find and tell someone. Got a Grandma that spends time with God everyday and knows about this whole God-stuff? Call her. Still have your old youth guy's number in your phone? Dial it. Don't know who to go to? Most likely if you're reading this, it's because we're friends and you're only doing it to be nice. Which also means you probably have my number. You can call me! I would love to talk to you about this huge decision you just made and pray with you! No, I won't have all the answers to your questions (the trinity just blows my mind. I'm at peace with the fact that I'll never understand it), but we can dive into God's word together and find out what He has to say!

I love you, dear friend! If you did just invite Christ into your life, I want to congratulate you on making the best decision you'll ever make! Now go and be free! And grab a doughnut while you're at it...

In Christ,

The Crazy Late Night Blogger

A glimmer...

2011-05-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

Today was a hard day. Quite frankly, it sucked. And I'm mad. And nauseous. I woke up with a pounding headache and wanted to stay in bed all day, pretending the clock wasn't ticking, that time wasn't passing, because I knew come 2pm, my headache was going to be the best part of my day. Two o'clock meant I was arriving at the church to attend the family hour in which we all stood around and looked at each other, making small talk, as a tiny lifeless body, measuring only a pound at his last weigh-in before he died, lay silent in a casket the size of my largest tupperware container.

His preemie sized shirt had the sleeves rolled up to the armpit seam because even the tiniest of baby clothing swallowed him whole. His broken hearted mom and dad were so gracious, receiving their friends and loved ones with hugs, thank you's, and tear stained cheeks. They're wonderful people. Wonderful people experiencing such horrific pain and sorrow.

After we got our own two precious miracles home and settled in for the evening I meandered in and checked my email, Facebook, Twitter, blah, blah, blah. A few kind hearted people had written things such as "It was a nice service" and "Such a nice way to remember him".

I felt rage well up within me. No, not toward these people. They are right, in a sense. Pastor Mark did a phenomenal job leading a "nice" service. His message was exactly what Robin and Tommy needed to hear, the song selection seemed perfect.

But all I wanted to do was stand up in my pew and scream at the top of my lungs like a crazy lunatic! I wanted to pick up a chair and throw it across the room! I HATE THIS! It's not right that a mother who has waited 48 years to experience the amazing and unexplainable love that is shared between her heart and her child is sitting through his funeral! It's not okay with me that next week marks what should be the ninth birthday of my friend's son, but instead she'll be decorating his headstone with Spiderman balloons! I HATE IT that every time I see anything more than a few flowers placed together it takes me back to a day two years ago when our church had thousands upon thousands of flowers lined up on walls, tucked in corners, piled up in the foyer, practically on the roof because our pastor was killed before our very eyes 4 days prior. I can't even go in the gardening center entrance at Walmart because the sweet smell of flowers smacks me in the face like a Louisville slugger, instantly jarring me back to the moment I watched a man stand over Fred and shoot him! I HATE THIS! I HATE death and destruction. I don't understand it. The Bible tells us that satan comes to "steal, kill, and destroy". And I hate to be such a Debbie Downer, but satan's pretty good at his job. And I HATE him for it. I HATE satan and the pain he inflicts on God's children.

Usually, I try to use my blog to communicate positive messages. To see the bright side, the silver lining, the lemons-into-lemonade stuff. But today I've got nothing for you.

Well, that's not totally true. Yes, this post is mainly because it's after midnight, I have to get up for my last day of work in 6 hours, and when I lay in bed and close my eyes the only thing I see is Ethan's tiny body.

And all I want to do is run straight out my back door, barefoot and in my PINE t-shirt, all the way to the cemetery, dig through the mud with my hands, and pray for God to raise Ethan up, just like He did a few thousand years ago in the story of Ezekiel and the dry bones. And I sob. And I have to go kiss my children while they sleep.

But I do have a glimmer of hope.

A glimmer so dim tonight that I'm having a hard time believing it's anything more than a mirage.

God's Word not only warns us of satan's ruthless tactics, but He offers reprieve from the attack of pain and suffering. Stop for a moment. You need to be ready for this. You've heard it recited gajillions of times. But this time make it real in your life. This is for you!

Matthew 11:28 records Jesus saying, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

It sounds so elementary, but when I picture Him saying this, I see him with his rough dark skin, his messy beard, and his dirt-underneath fingernails leading the way as he extends His perfect hands toward me. His eyes make my heart skip a beat. Kinda like when Tim kissed me for the first time, but only different...way better, and in a father-daughter kind of way and not a husband-wife kind of way. The rough-and-tumble man strangely appeals to my aching heart. I'm so tired that I just want to collapse into those arms; the same arms that bear such ugly and wrinkled scars, the kind you see in movies that make you gasp. But these scars don't make me gasp in horror. They break my heart and mend it all at once. As he wraps me in His embrace, I feel a warmth I've never felt before. No, I'm not hot, but the warmth penetrates beyond my flesh a bones. I feel complete. It's not that I've forgotten about how bad it hurt when I lost my first baby to miscarriage on Mother's Day 4 years ago. No, I'm not "over" Fred's death. But this man, the one they call "Savior", the one people have mocked, watered-down, and hidden is suddenly nothing more and nothing less than mine. Right here, right now. I am His. He is mine. I am His. He is mine. His glory, His perfection, His LOVE is so much bigger than my heartache, my hatred, my pain-so-deep-it-triggers-my-gag-reflex.

For a moment, I'll close my eyes and try to imagine what it will be like to spend countless, literally countless, days living in that healing cradle of His arms. The Bible teases me by telling me that heaven is greater than anything I can even try to dream up. Even when I squint my eyes and try really hard, I'm not even scratching the surface. But for now, I'll take my weariness and burden and rest in Him. Yep, I still hurt, I still want to puke, and I'm still mad as a hornet, but someday I won't.

Holy Lord, precious Savior, my great Healer. Thank you. Thank you for the gift of new life, and the promise of healing. I don't understand your ways sometimes. But your plans are better. Your will is greater. You are a really great God! Tonight many of us are hurting, and we desperately need you. Please bring your healing presence to aching hearts everywhere tonight, sweet Jesus. Specifically, I pray for Robin and Tommy as they mourn for Ethan. I pray for Daven, one of the sweetest women you've ever created, as she begins another year without her firstborn. And I pray for Cindy, as she gears up for another summer of single parenting. God- we need You. Please come. Please heal us!

Love,

The Crazy Lunatic

Good stuff

2011-04-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life can get a little prickly. Other times it can seem like a downright attack from a pack of rabid porcupines! My mom sent me an email last week with a list of really helpful tips for making the most of life. I feel like there are too many to remember, but I can't narrow it down! They're all really good! Many of them are principles God spells out for us in His Word. Anyway, enough of my rambling and on to the good stuff.

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a spiritually enlightening book with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus.'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Testimony...is it ongoing?

2011-04-11T14:21:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday night I was at Bible study with a group of my favorite sisters in Christ and I had an "ah-ha" moment. One lady was sharing about a time long ago when she was listening to others give their testimonies about coming to know Christ and how it affected her. To be quite honest, my mind wondered from her story at that point as I considered my own testimony. Up to this point, if someone was to ask me about my testimony it would go a little something like this:

"When I was 7 years old, I remember watching others go forward during the invitation at the end of our church service. I wanted to know more, so I asked my mom and dad what it was all about. They explained that in order to spend eternity in heaven with God, we must accept the free gift of salvation through Christ's death on the cross and commit to living our lives for him. My parents took me to the preacher's house to further talk with him and I decided that was the choice I was making! Pastor Olen Evans walked me through the sinner's prayer and told me that the next week I could go forward in church! I was so excited! I found myself itchy with anticipation through the whole service and FINALLY it was time for the invitation. I walked my tiny little second grade self up the isle of the country church and proclaimed, 'I want to be advertised!' Laughter rolled across the congregation as my mom wanted to crawl under the pew with embarrassment. Turns out, I really wanted to be baptized. So, the next week I wore my ruffly neon striped dress (cut me some slack...it was the early 90's!) and Pastor Olen dunked me in ordinary water to show the world that I was now a daughter of God! My life continued on as a normal kid and when I was 16, I accepted a call into the ministry, but didn't really know the details. A handful of years later, I understood my call to the ministry a little better when I married a young pastor. The rest is history!"

But that was until last Thursday. What if...could it be? Have you ever thought that your testimony was still being written? Could it be that what I'm going through today is part of God's grander plan for my tomorrow? What about you? Do you think that maybe God is teaching you, molding you, disciplining you so that in the future your story might connect you with another person who needs to hear about God's saving grace?

Anyway, that might not seem that "ah-ha"-ish to you, but it was for me. It encouraged me to see beyond the here-and-now and to keep my focus on the bigger picture, which is a reminder I seem to need daily! If you're having a stinky day, just remember that God makes Lysol to make stinky days not-so-stinky. And His Lysol comes in many forms: scripture passages, good friends, and chocolate, just to name a few.

Widows and Orphans

2011-03-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

That verse means so much to Tim and I. As some of you may know, I'm twice adopted. Once by my Heavenly Father in the spring of 1993; God chose me to be His daughter and saved me from a lifetime of bondage to sin and an eternity in hell. And again in April of 1994 by my earthy father David; he chose me as his one and only daughter and has loved me as if I was his flesh a blood every day since then. Both of my Dads are incredible, and I'm beyond grateful for each of them. My Heavenly Father has commanded me (and you!) to take James 1:27 and make it happen. Back up 5 verses and the Bible says to be ye doers of the Word, and not merely hearers. Don't just read it, do it!

I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lawson! Where are you going with this?" Well, hear me out for just a second. There are 143 million (did you get that? ONE HUNDRED FORTY-THREE MILLION) orphans in the world. That's more than 17 times the population of NYC! I just googled it and did the math. Get up from your computer, walk to your children's bedroom, and watch them sleep. They have soft cotton pajamas caressing their skin, bellies full of warm milk, and hair that gives off that soothing smell of Johnson and Johnson. If you're like me, you've been in to check on them three times already tonight, kissing them and whispering sweet nothings in their ears before tip-toeing out of the room, leaving the door ajar so you'll hear them if they wake up scared. You're a great mom, and your children are blessed to have you. But think of all those tiny babies, young children, and budding teenagers. They're sleeping in over-crowded orphanages, if they've been fortunate enough to be taken in. Many of them call a dirt alley home and find inadequate nourishment by digging through trash bins, never knowing the comfort of a fresh, warm meal. The majority of them don't even own a pair of shoes or a blanket to snuggle with, but most of all not a single one of them has a Mommy like you to hold them. Their cries go unanswered and their cheeks know all too well the familiar trail that tears blaze across that unkissed face.

I'm really struggling to write this tonight. My heart is physically hurting to even think of one precious life in need of a family. I can't think about it for long, it makes me want to be sick. I've just read Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to SEE". It's a wonderful book, you should read it as soon as you get a chance. But beware, you'll call the closest adoption agency and ask for paperwork to be overnighted to you before you finish the book.

Tim and I accepted the call on our lives to adopt 18 months ago and started walking through the process. However, we realized that yes, God is calling us to adopt, it's just not yet. I was pregnant. Today, Emmanuel is 7 months old and we have prayed much about this and feel like it's not yet time to adopt. Soon, just not yet. Many of our friends have also accepted the call to adopt. Our friends Mike and Michelle just sent off their dossier to Ethiopia in hopes of being matched with a little "chocolate chip" as she calls him. A deacon and his wife from church are becoming licensed as foster parents with the goal of adopting a child out of the foster care system. Another couple from church, Mike and Brandi, just traveled to Russia for the first of three trips to meet their new daughter Elyse. I'm so proud of all these couples. They're not just reading God's word, they are doing God's word!

But adoption isn't for everyone. Just because you cannot adopt, that doesn't mean you are not doing God's will. The verse talks about caring for orphans and widows. Tim's Aunt Evelyn (perhaps one of the sweetest and Godliest women alive) hosts a lunch every Valentine's Day for the widows in her church. She prepares a beautiful feast for them and asks them all to talk about their Valentines, who are now walking the streets of gold. She's doing God's word! Many people I know sponsor children through Compassion International, which offers impoverished children across the world a fighting chance at life through food, education, and medicine. They're doing God's word! What about you? What are you doing to follow God's call to care for the uncared-for? Can you support foster parents in your neighborhood by taking a meal every once in a while? Maybe you're an empty nester and long for the sounds of pitter-pattering steps on your hard wood floors. Can you offer an evening of free babysitting for the couple whose family recently grew through adoption? Maybe you've been richly blessed with finances. Adoption is expensive (to put it lightly) and you could help connect an orphan with a forever family by sending someone a check.

Here's what you can do right now. You can stop reading this crazy blog, and pray. Ask God what He wants you to do. Talk with your family and develop a vision to make a difference. Even if you only help one child, that means because of you there will only be 142,999,999 orphans left and God will be immensely glorified in your obedience.

Are you ready? Here we go!

On being a woman

2011-02-24T17:53:00.001-08:00

Child of God. Wife. Mom. Seamstress. Those are my four top jobs in life. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at them, but the reality is that I could really use some improvement! No, no...this isn't a pity party or a beat-me-up session. I'm being honest. I think if we ever get to a point where we believe we have "arrived" in life and are the best we will ever be- then it's time to worry! Proverbs 30:10 through the end of the chapter talks about a "wife of noble character". She's a pretty great lady but sometimes (when I'm feeling extra selfish) I wish she never existed, because she makes me feel rotten! But seriously, I admire the woman that God was bragging about and I like to use her as my rubric for living! The passage talks about how her husband has confidence in her, how she brings him good and not evil (aka trash talking him on the phone to her best friend). It talks about her hard work ethic and how she serves the poor. She's a strong woman, able to laugh, and knows that true value comes from fearing the Lord!

So, why put in the extra effort? Why not just say whatever comes to my mind, avoid contact with the person who could use a little help, or sit on the couch with my bucket of ice-cream, a spoon, and the remote? It's hard work being like her! Why do it? Please find Exhibit A:

He's my man. He brings home the bacon. He is the best father to my babies I ever could have asked for! He's the sexiest thing I've ever laid eyes on (sorry, I got carried away). He makes me want to be a better wife and be more like Christ!

Exhibit B:

He's my monster baby (well, he's not much of a baby anymore). He says the funniest things. I have loved him from the very moment his existence was realized through two purple lines on a wet stick. On the snowy Monday he was born, my chest physically hurt as I experienced love like never before. He makes me want to be more like Christ so that he will learn to be like Christ!

And finally, Exhibit C:

Look at her, my sweet baby girl. Have you ever seen eyes so beautiful or a face so kissably sweet? She's giggly, curious, and oh-so-tender. Someday she'll be my best girlfriend. We will have shopping days just the two of us where we'll buy way too many shoes and eat entirely too much Italian food. She makes me want to love Jesus more so that she will love Jesus more.

Ladies, I know it's hard to keep going sometimes. Last night I wanted to sell my husband on Ebay (or really just give him to anyone who would take him). Today I yelled at Eli in the Wal-Mart parking lot for locking me out of the van in the hurricane force winds and the sleet shooting me in the face. I was horrible and ugly. That's not the woman God wants me to be. So, I'll wake up tomorrow and try again. I'll learn from yesterday and work on doing better tomorrow. I'm so blessed to have women all around me who are a modern day version of the Proverbs 31 woman. Would you join me in becoming more like her?

Love,

Gwenny

Marriage

2011-02-21T11:01:00.000-08:00

Marriage. According to Grover, it's when two people get married, and they kiss and hug and live together and help each other. According to God it's when two become one.

Two weeks ago we found out that a couple that was very influential in our lives were calling it quits on their marriage. They are two very Godly people that I've respected for years! They lead in the church they attend. They appeared to have it all together. But they didn't. It really shook Tim and I up. If they can't make it, who can? we thought.

Around the same time, I started working on a video for last night's "The Gathering: Going To The Chapel" event in which married couples in our church sent me a picture of themselves and the number of years they had been married. It was SO encouraging! Picture after picture came in, years of marriage were stacking up, and many of the people included notes like, "I love him more today than I did when we got married 20 years ago!"

Watch it here:

And last night we had our event, it was a really fun and successful night, and I learned a lot! Tim and I hosted a marriage discussion panel with the Hufty's (our new senior pastor and his wife) and the students texted in questions they wanted answered.

One of the best ones was, "How do you get through arguments?" The Hufty's offered several bits of really helpful advice:

Don't use "You" statements (ie: You did such-and-such! You are mean! You hurt me!). Instead, talk about you feel (ie: I felt hurt when..., I don't understand...., etc)
Never defend yourself. It's very hard to do, but when you surrender, your spouse will automatically back down simply because you're not fighting back.
Only get upset about the things that really matter. (This one actually came from Tim, but I really believe it's helpful and wanted to share it, too!) When you get upset about everything, you will quickly lose your spouse's ear because you're always griping about something! We call it "save your get-upset points" because if you raise a stink about everything (and this goes for all areas of life, not just marriage) then no one listens. It's like crying wolf.

Another great question was, "How do you keep God the center of your relationship?" Pastor Tom said, "Not to be cliche, but it's not a task. I want to sound more profound than this, but I love Jesus and I love Rhonda. I want to help Rhonda love Jesus more. She wants to help me love Jesus more." They both talked about always pointing each other back to the Lord and constantly praying for one another. It's also important to keep Christ the center of your own life. If you and your spouse are totally aligned with God and His will, then your marriage will be right on track!

I hope you all found this as helpful as I did! It was a wonderful time and I wish you all could have been there with us! Now eat, drink (diet coke), and be married!

Love,

Gwenny

Take Time to Laugh

2011-02-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

So tonight Tim had a wonderful and sweet idea to take us all 4 out to hit the DQ drive-thru for mini blizzards (at a buck-49, how could you go wrong?). We loaded up in the van, drove to Troy for 2 extra tiny but still satisfying delights, and came home. I stood on the porch holding the car seat on my arm waiting for Tim to let us in the back door and he looked at me with a "let's get on with this already" look as if I was supposed to unlock the back door. Mind you, I rarely lock our door because fumbling in the cold to find my keys with 2 teeth-chattering little ones is simply too much work. If someone want to break in, I don't think they'll let a puny lock stop them. Plus, no one wants anything in our house (except maybe my secret chocolate stash). Tim, on the other hand, locks the door every time he leaves, which includes tonight. Anyway, back to the story, neither of us had house keys.

I gave him my best "Fix this NOW!" look and grumbled that I was taking the kids to Miss Sherry's house until he found a way to get us in. I was mad. No... furious. No... flames-shooting-out my-ears-enraged. As I began to stomp southward to our sweet neighbor's house, I turned back long enough to see Tim was weaseling the kitchen window open. "Well, stink!" I thought to myself. I knew I was going to have to help him.

I stomped back to the open window, which only opens about 15 inches and is a good 6 or 7 feet off the ground (it was well over Tim's head). He put his hands together and gave me a silly grin that offered a boost up into the window. I smiled and thought, "At least this will get us in the house." So I put my foot in his hands and stepped up, barely reaching the window. Eli was laughing, Tim began to laugh, I was laughing a little bit. I would have been all out giggling, but I was too busy having my abs ripped to shreds by the uneven metal casing around the window. And as I was struggling to pull myself through the window that was obviously installed FAR too high, I broke wind. Which in turn led to uncontrollable laughter from everyone. Even Emmanuel was giggling! It took a good 2 or 3 minutes for me to wrangle myself through the window, but after I fought through the stupid blinds and got my feet unstuck, I landed with a "ker-THUD!" taking out the trash can and kitchen island in the process. Tim's laughter stopped and he yelled, "Are you okay?" My only response was boughts of laughter separated by groans of pain. I unlocked the door, Tim brought the kids in, and we dried the tears that the belly laughter had brought on.

Tim was unselfishly noble enough to look me over top to bottom, back up the top again, and a good look all around me for any bruises or lacerations (which there are a few). I'm in one piece, the kids are in the warm house, and Tim isn't in the doghouse. Most importantly, I came out with a good lesson.

I need to be much less high strung. I need to take a chill pill and make some lemonade when life issues a bowl of lemons! I need to be much gentler on Tim, not be so quick to bark at Eli, and treat others with love and kindness, just as Christ is with me! The Bible tells us, "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger." See James 1:19. I have a feeling Jesus was a fun guy to hang around with. I truly believe God has a sense of humor. Let's be sure to join Him in laughter!

And PS- don't tell anyone I farted. Thanks.

Gwenny

Giver or Taker?

2011-02-06T13:47:00.000-08:00

Today at church, we celebrated our new Senior Pastor's first Sunday at our church (well, actually he's been our interim for a year, but what Baptist would pass up an opportunity to eat?!). I got to sit with a sweet couple from our church that we have been so blessed to know. Their names are Mark and Debbie and they are two of the most generous people we know. About two years ago, their son was in the hospital and Tim went to go make a visit and pray with them; ever since, Mark and Debbie have showed so much kindness to us that we have come to a point of not understanding it. They are just SO full of love!

So on the way home, I got to thinking about people. Most of us fall into two categories: givers and takers. Mark and Debbie are certainly givers. Not only are they givers of tangible "stuff", but they are givers of love! They hardly know us, but today Debbie held Emmanuel for a long time, whispered sweet nothings in her ear, covered her chubby cheeks with kisses, and protected her with a momma bear-like mentality from the barrage of germ covered kids that were running around us. Mark asked what I wanted to drink, went and got it for me, and then took up Eli and my plates when we were done eating (Tim was off doing the pastoral thing- "working the crowd").

I want to be more like Mark and Debbie! I want to leave those around me with a feeling of "Wow! I feel loved!" Jesus was and still is the very same way! He was the Giver of all givers! He washed the feet of his students (see John 13). He spent time talking with a prostitute when everyone else walked a block out of the way to avoid having to converse with such a lowly creature (see John 4). He stressed the importance of caring for orphans and widows when the rest of society abandoned them (see James 1:27). He gave me two precious and perfectly healthy babies when modern medicine says that I should never have even conceived a child!

What are you? A giver or taker? Are you living your life giving love, giving encouragement, giving your time, talents, and money to those around you? I know, I know. You have bills. You have work. You are so busy. So is God! He has 6 billion children to attend to EVERY DAY! Yikes...and I thought having two butts to wipe was hard! But He will not stop giving everything for you. He gave his Son to pay for your sins and for mine. That was my cross He died on. That was my lashing He took! Won't you take a moment today to be a giver? I have a suspicion you will come out of it more blessed than the recipient!

I love you all, dear sisters!

Gwenny

The Best Job in the World

2011-01-29T15:59:00.000-08:00

As many of you may know, I run a designing and sewing business out of my home to make some extra money for our family. And as many of you may have figured out, it kinda makes me crazy. I have a tendency to sew at all hours of the night and then I'm grouchy from not getting sleep and I qualify for world's worst mother; it's just a cycle I couldn't seem to get out of. Everything in our home centered around me getting orders done for clients, whether it was going on fabric runs, Tim watching the kids so I could sew more, or me trying to find ways to occupy the kids while I sew. Housework gets neglected, laundry piles up, everyone is hungry and sick of splitting a $5 footlong, you get the picture.

So, I emailed a mentor who is new in my life. I asked for her advice. I asked what she thought. I asked if she thought I should just give it all up and go get a "real" job. Well, that's when she really let loose and gave me a ear full on what I believe God wanted to tell me.

First of all, let me correct one thing that is kind of a pet peeve of mine. When you talk about a "real" job--there is no other job on the planet that is more "real" than a stay-at-home mom. I even corrected a co-worker this past week when he asked me, "are you going to work?" I immediately answered, "do you mean outside the home?" I get a little worked-up on this issue. I have had some incredible workplace experiences and successes. Many of which have received accolades and high praise. I'm very proud of these accomplishments. BUT--my greatest lifework is still ongoing. I am first and foremost a wife and mother. My passion is my family. I know you completely understand and agree with this. After stepping out of the workplace for over 16 years, I was asked if I would interview for a position as a Public Relations Director. I knew that part of the interview might focus on those 16 years. I told my husband, if they ask me what I did during those 16 years, my answer would simply be, "have you met my kids?" Nothing else needed to be said. I was proud of my contribution to the extraordinary individuals they had developed/grown to be at that time. (I think this is what clenched the deal and the job was offered immediately.)

Your unique contributions to society and to the Kingdom are named "Eli" and "Emmanuel." What a responsibility. What a REAL job. No one can accomplish what you can in and through these precious lives. I know you understand and believe this--it's just good to be reminded of the REAL life-changing job you have. The best part of this? You love this job!

So, to all you moms out there, whether you work outside the home or stay home, what you do MATTERS! What on earth could be more important than your husband and children? Could an extra $300 bucks a month really deserve your attention over those sweet brown eyes looking up at you asking for more "chokkit meewk"? Does a potential bonus at work that would require you to stay extra hours mean more to you than chubby fingers clapping at your silly rendition of Old MacDonald? Of course not!

You may spend 40 hours a week at a desk so that your family can have a better life, or (like me) you may spend what seems like a zillion hours a week wiping butts, doing laundry, cooking meals, washing yogurt out of hair (how did that even happen?), and filling every role needed in your home. Please know that all of you hard work at home with your kids is really making a difference! Your children will be better people someday because you invested in them. They will remember you sitting down and reading to them, teaching them letters, baking cookies with them.

Don't be discouraged! Maybe you need a mommy day or a trip to Hearts At Home to refill you and renew your zeal for life! Don't get torn up because the here and now is hard! Try to think of what life will be like many years down the road. And, most importantly, arrange your priorities in such a way that reflects what God has called you to do. Sewing is not my life's calling. Tim, Eli, and Emmanuel are. So, I took my friend's advice and made some changes! I now have office hours and can only sew during those hours. I have a bed time and if I stick to it, I get to go for a pedicure after 21 days (it takes 21 days to make or break a habit). I'm so excited about what life is going to look like. I told Tim today that I didn't know what to do with myself today because usually I'd be sewing all afternoon while he cared for the kids. So, I cleaned up the house, took care of the laundry pile in the bathroom that was literally as high as my mom-jeans waistband, and took a nap on the couch (which involved cuddling both kids at two different times).

Eli is golfing in the living room right now, so I think I'll join him and after a quick prayer with you all!

Lord, you know that I often lose sight of Your plan for my life. You know how I get my priorities out of whack and put "stuff" ahead of what really matters. And Lord, I know I'm not alone in this. I know my sisters in you sometimes fall down, too! Please give us the vision to see past life right now, and the wisdom to live for what You want us to live for! Show us how to raise the sweet and precious (and sometimes crazy) children You have given us and to teach them to love You! Thank you, sweet Savior, for your loving kindness and for always reigning me back in when I fall right off life's path You have laid out. We love you and praise you! AMEN!

A broken heart

2011-01-13T10:19:00.000-08:00

Today I had the privelege of sharing a couple hours with a new friend. We've known eachother for a while, but not much beyond, "Hi!" as we're rushing to drop our kids off at school. I was so blessed today as she opened her heart up and, unbeknownced to her, she taught me so much in such a short amount of time.

She's a sweet young mom of three young boys, the youngest of which spent our entire two hours together licking cream cheese out of the little plastic container, melting every heart within eye sight! One of her boys is in kindergarten, and the other is dancing the streets of gold hand-in-hand with our Savior. He died when he was 5 years old, just a few years ago.

Can I first just say that I don't think I could ever survive losing one of my children? But after today's conversation, I stand in awe at how God sustains us. My new friend told me a lot about the loss of her son and how she responded to it (tears and snot everywhere on my part, but she looked gorgeous even through tears!). She was full of grace; strength radiated from her; she spoke many times of "my husband and I...". God's hand was evident in everything she shared, whether is was her individual pain, the strength of her marriage in the midst of these horrendous circumstances, or releasing fear for the safety of her other 2 boys.

The Bible says in Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Dear sisters in Christ, is that true in your life? I can say with certainty that I could trust God to carry me through sickness, poverty, and rough times, but would I weep in His arms and lean fully into Him if He chose to take one of my children? Be real with me for a moment and really search your heart. I'm ashamed to share with you that I don't know that I could do that!

I asked my sweet friend, "How have you even been able to continue living? How hard is it just to get up in the morning and keep going?" She paused, lip quivering, and said, "Because of God! His strength, knowing He is in control and that I am not, and knowing that my son is in heaven with Him! How could I ever take the opportunity for my son to be in Heaven, never knowing the pains and trials of earth, away from him?" She is the manifestation of Psalm 73:26, truly making God the strength of her heart and her portion for this time of such pain and brokenness.

This isn't to say that she doesn't have tough days. She was real and transparent enough with me to share that she has sad days and mad days, calling God every name in the book. But I think we can all relate to our heavenly Father when we hold our children tight even when they are screaming angrily at us. He's infinately more loving than we are, and even when we lash out at Him, He continues to hold us, running His holy fingers through our hair and whispering, "I know you're hurting, my child. I know your heart is broken and I am so sorry. I love you so much, even though you are angry."

So my take-away from today's experience is to truly make Him my strength, relying on Him for my validation, my satisfaction, my healing. My heart absolutely breaks for my sweet friend, and I pray fervently that I will never be in her shoes, but I stand amazed at how God has held her up, protected her marriage, surrounded her with a loving church family and support system, and made her a phenomenal mother. Please, if you don't know the same loving and compassionate God that works everyday miracles, make Him your strength and your portion today! Even if you never experience the tragedy of losing your child, His great love makes even spilled milk easier to bear. My love to you all!

In Christ,

Gwenny

What's in your mouth?

2011-01-07T13:36:00.000-08:00

Please read below, preparing yourself first by crossing your legs extra tights so you don't pee a little bit when you laugh. This is a hysterical account written by my sister-in-law, Alyssa, and I couldn't help but share it. The only thing you need to know is that Diesel is a lanky doberman pinscher and they live here in Illinois...nowhere near Minneapolis.

Everyday at lunch, when Diesel gets let outside, he instantly starts running all over, about 72 mph, passing briefly through Minneapolis. However, today was different, running about half the speed as normal, only because the polar bear in him was insistent that he consume half of the snow on the ground (white, or otherwise). When it was time to come inside to inhale his lunch, I opened the storm door, which lets out a nice squeak that makes your teeth hurt. That squeak is the equivalent to the gunshot at the start of an Olympic race, and Diesel starts sprinting. Now being a puppy, he still doesn't have the best coordination, well, about the skills of celery when it comes to walking with wet paws on slick surfaces. Diesel was sprinting 72 mph, completely leaping over all 3 steps at the back door, and landed in the kitchen. Luckily, today was trash day because he took out the trash can and still unable to stop before he hits the cabinet. Nose first, folding up like an accordion. While I was crying from laughing so hard, Diesel attempted to get up, sneezing 13 times. Each time he put one foot up, it would slide out from under him, resulting in yet another chin bump. When he finally was able to stand back up, he immediately went to his pillow, and layed down and let out a big sigh. Relieved he is finally done with taking blows to his poor little noggin!

So why would I share this with you other than a good laugh? Well, I'd like to share with you a little bit about Alyssa.

She's just a hair over 5 feet tall and is so skinny she probably has to run around in the shower just to get wet. But the best thing about her is that she never, NEVER speaks an ill word. About anyone. Even when they have rightfully earned a sour reputation.

The Bible tells us in James 3:9-10, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

That verse says that we use the same tongue to praise God, but then we turn around and use it again to share a "prayer request". You know exactly what I'm talking about; the kind of prayer request that starts with, "Well, bless so-and-so's heart, but she..." and then we gossip up a storm, pretending all the while to be doing God's holy work. Please don't think for a moment I'm judging you; rather, I'm in a confessional here.

Would you join me in committing to working on how you use your tongue? Ephesians 4:29 tells us to use our tongues to build others up, so let's encourage others, brag on them behind their backs, and point out the good things they're doing instead of criticizing their every action or constantly whining on Facebook. Let's all be like Alyssa, or better yet, like Jesus and be known for our pleasant speech!

Love you all!

In Christ,

Gwenny

Life lessons: $6

2011-01-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

I just have to start this off by telling you that I ran upstairs to grab my Bible to work on this blog post and Eli said, "Oh Mommy! You read da Bible?" "Yep, I sure am!" I told him. His little eyes sparkled as he said "I want to read the Bible with us!" It was so sweet.

Yesterday I headed to Walmart to grab some thread and as we were walking in I saw a dog with a coat on; it's was pretty impressive, actually! The owner had cut the arms off a people coat and tied the excess fabric on the dog's back up with a hair tie. The dog was pad locked to a ginormous backpack and it was obvious he was a part of a homeless family. The Holy Spirit spoke to me in that moment so vividly that it rocked me to the core. I was now on a mission to strategically scour the whole store to find the dog's owners and help him/her out. Who cares about royal blue thread in a moment like this?

So I put the kids in the cart and took a loop through the store (swinging by the food section to get some peanut butter crackers- good for humans and coat-clad dogs alike!). I had been through the whole store and couldn't find them. "Lord," I prayed, "I don't know how I'll find these people, but I know You want me to help them, so I need you to help me find them!" I was now at the fabric dept, so I grabbed the silly thread and headed to the checkout so that I could pay for the crackers and at least leave them outside with the dog. As I was headed toward the front of the store, I passed a man and woman who were occupied looking at something. I screeched to a halt, whipped around and words flew out of my mouth without my sending them, "Is that your dog out front?"

They looked at me with a puzzled look and said, "Yeah, she's ours." I then explained that I wanted to help them and asked what they needed. They were $10 short to purchase a much needed backpack, so I gave them all the cash out of my wallet (which amounted to a whopping $6). We all walked together to the backpack section, where we began to get to know one another. Andrew and Ashley are from California but couldn't find work. Ashley's dad lives in South Carolina and told them that if they could get there, he would help them find work. So over the holidays they hitch hiked all the way from one coast to another, but upon arrival, her dad told them he didn't have work for them and they needed to go back to Cali.

Here they are in Edwardsville, Illinois, hungry and out of options. I asked if I could pray with them and they said yes! We prayed, talked a little more, and then I told them I needed to get going but that I would buy the crackers and leave them outside with the dog. I checked out, glad to have met two sweet new friends, and left the bag of snacks with "Sugar" the pit bull mutt. A mail carrier was out there waiting for Andrew and Ashley. Somehow, she had seen the dog and felt compelled to help, too! So I chatted with her for a few minutes and decided to wait with her for Andrew and Ashley to come out so I could see them one last time. When they came out, the mail lady talked to them for a couple minutes, never judging them for being in such a rough situation. I was amazed at how instantly she connected with them and then handed over a generous wad of cash. They literally leapt with excitement and said they could now buy the backpack so they didn't have to carry so many things in their arms.

We said our goodbyes and I headed to the van. Eli said, "Mommy, can I eat some of dose cheese crackers?" I tried to explain that we gave the crackers to our new friends Andrew, Ashley, and Sugar, but all I could do was cry. You see, God didn't bring me to Walmart at exactly the right time so that I could help Andrew, Ashley, and Sugar; rather, God sent me to Walmart at exactly the right time so that THEY could help ME! Through them, God taught me to "obey, right away" (like I tell Eli 100 times a day!). I learned that God has given my family and me SO much! Food, a beautiful home, two amazing children, a husband that provides an incredible life for us, two...count them, TWO working vehicles, and the list could go on for days! And through the mail lady, God taught me to love others with reckless abandon, always leaving judgment behind in a pile of dust. (James 2:13, Mercy triumphs over judgment!)

The Bible tells us in James 1:27 that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." Andrew and Ashley may not have been orphans, but they were two people in need. And $6, a pack of cheesy peanut butter crackers, and 15 minutes of my day is of no value unless I use it as He leads.

My challenge to you is this: Who is your Andrew/Ashley and what is God calling you to do? Are your eyes open and willing to see those that God wants you to help? And finally, do you realize what an amazing life you and I live? God has been good to us. GREAT to us! I pray that I can somehow teach my children to be thankful to our gracious God, and to be just a gracious to others. Thank you, dear friends, letting my share with you my humbling Walmart life lesson!

In Christ,

Gwenny

Long time, no blog!

2011-01-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

Hey friends and family! I haven't blogged in SO long and since both babies are napping (LOVE coordinated naps!), I thought I'd share a bit of what's on my heart.

As most of you know, we experienced a couple plagues, or so it seemed, here on the Lawson homefront recently. We all 4 caught a virus that had us coughing and snotting all through the week of Christmas and then I had the kidney stone and ovarian cyst. Well, the doctor was kind enough to give me some great medicine for the pain, but last night my body refused to sleep because I had stopped taking the medicine (that, and I think I slept 75% of the last week, so I was all "slept-out").

I went in and watched Eli and Emmanuel sleep. Eli is almost THREE! How did that happen? And why does he sometimes hug me, love me, say sweet things to baby Emmanuel and then turn around and throw a tantrum over a lost Woody and Buzz Buzz? But as he lay sleeping, God reminded me that my children are not mine. They are HIS, on loan to me for a short time. I've been tasked with bringing these two sweet babies up as He wants me to. And I gasped as I took a moment to evaluate how I'm doing.

Most of my days are filled with doing. Sewing for clients, washing dishes, cooking meals, picking up toys. How often do I stop and sit down to just stare at my beautiful kids? Rarely, and even then only for a split second. How often do I say, "Not right now, Mommy's busy!" At least 100 times a day. When was the last time I spent intentional time teaching Eli something? Too long ago to remember.

So, change is coming to the Lawson ranch! Teaching Eli how to write letters is more important than the dried up shredded cheese on the kitchen floor (a mouse will probably come eat it if I leave it long enough, anyway). Bundling the kids up and going outside is far more beneficial than getting the dishes done (or worse yet, wasting time on Facebook). But, I need to remember it's a balance. Jesus was the King of balance. He spent time with his disciples, with the lost, and with the hurting, but He also took time to rest and to pray. He met the needs around Him, He invested in those whom were willing to listen, and He spent time with the Father.

I'm not sure I'll ever master life as a stay-at-the-crazy-house-mom. But for now, with a renewed spirit in tow, I'll keep the priorities He has set for me and make sure my actions reflect that. Nope, this isn't a new year's resolution. It's an "I'm tired of living like this" plan for change.

Excuse me while I go creep on my sleeping kids. :)

Gwenny

Update on Baby #2

2010-03-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

Hi friends! Our little baby has been growing for nearly 22 weeks now and I saw the OB today and got a good report. Her heart was thumping along at a steady 140 beats per minute and she's growing like a weed (which happens to be just the right pace!).

As you all might remember, the last several weeks of pregnancy with Eli were very difficult for me; I started going to the hospital with contractions every two minutes at 34 weeks and eventually quit going because the nurses and doctors weren't able to help me much. At 39 weeks, I had a cesarean section because Eli was breech, and during the surgery the doctor discovered that I have an extremely rare uterine anomoly that was causing all of the problems (I only have the right half of my uterus, so in essence, Eli only had half the room he needed). My new OB, Dr. Chad Caudill, has been wonderful to work with and he's been giving me great care. Today we discussed the plan for how to approach the second half of the pregnancy. For now, we wait.

On Thursday, June 17, I'll have another sonogram to determine how big she is, her position, and to look for any indications of early labor. If she is head down, Dr. Caudill suspects that I will go into labor very early and would have the option of having her naturally at my own pace or having another c-section at that time. If she's got her head in my right lung like Eli did, Dr. Caudill will do an amniocentesis (a sample of the amniotic fluid) to determine if the baby's lungs are mature and will schedule a c-section for as late as possible, which will be dictated by the amount of contractions and how I am doing.

God continues to amaze us with His protection and provision for this baby and we are daily thankful for His goodness. If you think of it, please pray that contractions will hold off until her lungs are developed and that she will be as healthy as an ox (however, don't pray that she'll be as BIG as an ox!). Thank you to all of you who bless us with your kind words, your prayer, and helping us out in the many ways that you all do!

In Christ,

Enormous Gwenny<><

What if Dave Ramsey was President?

2010-03-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a self-diagnosed CNN and Fox News addict and when I'm not sewing up a storm, I find myself shaking me head in disbelief at the news that our government continues to raise the debt ceiling, hand out money to overpaid CEO's like it's toilet paper, and spend money in new areas that would better be left unspent. I'm also an avid Dave Ramsey fan and took his Financial Peace University last year, which revolutionized the way the Lawson household handles money. Yes, that's right, we're on the I envelope system!

It's simple, really. Each month when Tim gets paid, he goes to the bank and deposits the exact amount needed to pay the online bills, makes a deposit into our savings account and emergency fund, and takes the rest in cash; he brings it home and puts it in our envelopes. There's one for groceries, one for gas and car related expenses, one for entertainment (which includes going out to eat, shopping, etc), one for general "stuff" (most of which goes to WalMart), and so on.

So, I began to wonder today when I heard the most recent estimated cost of government-run healthcare what America would be like if Dave Ramsey was President. I have a feeling that the first thing he'd do is "SELL THE CAR!" A good chunk, if not all, of the presidential motorcade would be auctioned off, Air Force One and the rest of the fleet would be put on Ebay, and the produce from the White House garden would be at the D.C. Farmer's Market. It's not a new or rocket science concept, but Dave Ramsey brilliantly advises people in debt past the ceiling to sell as much as they can to attack the debt that is so consuming them. Then, he shows them how to spend LESS than what they bring in so that there is enough left over to pay off debt and start saving.

As I bring myself back to reality where Dave Ramsey is only a financial expert and not the Commander-in-Chief, I pray that someone somewhere can start a revolution in government so we can get a grip on the enormous burden that is being crafted on the shoulders of our children.

Marriage

2010-03-08T19:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'd love to share with you a little bit about our marriage- but I don't quite know where to begin! This past week (the one year anniversary of Pastor Fred's death) has reminded me to hold close the ones I love dearly- particularly Tim and Eli.

Tim and I went on our first date on May 25, 2005 when he was a summer intern at FBCM and I was at McKendree University; we had ice cream at Dr. Jazz and then Tim dropped me off at my apartment (I didn't sleep at all that night because of all the giggly butterflies in my tummy!). He proposed on December 16, 2005 and we were married just eight months later on August 5, 2006. Some might say that is a little too fast, but we knew God was calling us to a lifetime of service to Him and that included marriage.

On that hot August day, we didn't just put on the most expensive outfits we'd ever wear, take hours of pictures, and kiss in front of a few hundred people, but more importantly, we each recited from memory vows we had specially written with the other one in mind. Each of us talked about it being a lifetime commitment, through thick and thin, rich and poor. Yes, we were about to embark on a dream honeymoon to the Dominican Republic, but we knew that would come to an end and real life would begin. We just didn't realize how tough "real life" is! Our first six months, we fought, screamed, and I even told him I hated him on our first Christmas together. It was in that six months of "orienting ourselves to marriage" (that's the kindest way we can describe it) that we really started to grasp what the commitment of marriage was all about (although we still have a lot of learning to do!).

Over the last three, almost four years, we have experienced so much together; miscarrying our first baby, moving to another state for seminary where we knew not even a single person, bringing a baby into this world, taking a job at an awesome church, going through Pastor Fred's death, and our second baby is currently turning somersaults in my belly! Has it all been fun? No. Has it all been miserable? Absolutely not. But we have certainly enjoyed walking hand in hand through life, never having to face trials alone and always having a best friend to share God's blessing with.

I'm so glad God invented marriage! He knew exactly what He was talking about when He declared that it was not good for a dude to be alone. There are things about Tim that drive me bonkers (he always leaves one bite on his plate when he puts it by the sink...why?) but there are more things about him that I adore, respect, and admire (there's nothing sexier than seeing him preach the Word of God!). He has recently taken on heavy snoring at night, but he never remembers me kicking him to get him to stop (don't tell him I do it). I know that it makes him want to scream when I leave a mountain of dishes in the kitchen after cooking and that I never rinse the dishes before loading the dishwasher, but I know even more that he loves that I cook.

Tonight in the car on the way home from Aldi, Tim asked me, "What's one thing I can do to make our marriage more fun for you?" My heart was so blessed than on a day he failed his Greek quiz, got his butt kicked by Tony on his P90 workout, and he's just having a rough go overall right now, he took the time and effort to make sure our marriage is the best that it can be!

Tim recently had a panel discussion at The Gathering (our Sunday night college service) on Godly marriage. A couple from our church that has been married for just shy of 55 years came and spoke. They were so wonderful to listen to! They talked about how some days, they might not like one another, but they always CHOOSE to love one another. Fred and Gerrie emphasized that the commitment to love one another is a choice they have to make every day, regardless of circumstances and feelings. I pray that 50 years from now, Tim and I have a marriage that young people can aspire to achieve. More importantly, I hope every day of the next 50 years (and them some!) my marriage will be a tool God uses to reach this world and that I will choose to honor God and my husband with a selfless love. I know I won't get it right most days, but that's why God doesn't grade us like a math teacher does; rather, He offers forgiveness and grace that far suffice any sin!

I guess in short, I just want to communicate how great married life is. Thank you Lord, for your loving kindness and for the gift of my husband. Thank you, Tim, for 4 incredible years; I promised you we'd make it 87 years, so that only leaves us 83 years to accomplish everything we want to! I love you both!

Eli's Second Birthday

2010-02-11T19:01:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed holding the most wonderful little baby I had ever seen. Snow was slowly dancing to the ground and time seemed to stand still as the little life in my arms looked into my eyes for the first time. My heart ached as I experienced the most intense love I've ever known- a love that my Saviour feels everyday for each one of His children in a greater way than I'll ever understand. I must have asked a thousand times that day, "Lord, is this what Your love for me feels like?" to which I almost audibly heard Him say, "No, my love, that's not even close."

Those days in the hospital seem like just yesterday, but they also feel decades ago. It's been exactly 2 years and I have treasured each special day. There have been difficult days (newfound food allergies, swine flu, and nap-less Sundays) but those memories won't ever stain the great days (trips to the zoo, playing at the park, swimming, sharing oreos).

Here are a few pictures that I snapped of Eli at our house today:

Life in 2010

2010-01-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

Hello? Hello? Anyone out there? I had almost forgotten about my blog, but logged on today just to see how long it had been since I posted and it's been nearly 6 months! Yikes! I've got a lot of updating to do.

In October, Tim went to Catalyst conference in ATL and heard a few people speak on the issue of worldwide orphans. God used that moment to break Tim's heart for children- but he had to come home and convince me to jump on board. He started talking to me about God doing "something" whild he was gone but I just knew it couldn't be as big of a deal as he was acting like (afterall, I'm the one with the crazy ideas). When he finally spilled the beans, I was pretty shocked but excited to see what God had in store for us. We sought God's will for our lives through prayer, scripture (and memorized James 1:27), and wise counsel. Initially, we spoke with a few adoption agencies but just didn't sense that was what God had for us. So, I called DCFS and a case worker came over and after a month of intense classes, we were well on our way to being foster parents. There was one child that we were able to keep for a weekend and had the option of adopting her. That same week, we took a pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE!

At that point, we knew we had to take a step back and really find out what God wanted us to do. It was a heartbreaking decision, but we came to the conclusion that we are definitely called to adopt a child, it's just not right now. The little girl was a sweet little baby with the most beautiful blue eyes and captivating smile, but we know that her current foster mother (who has had her since birth) is a wonderful woman and is taking great care of her.

Now we are focusing on preparing Eli to be a big brother (he has no clue what's coming!) and to continue following God wherever He leads.

Tim is doing great at work; he started a college worship service on Sunday nights called The Gathering; most weeks we have about 50 students. He's working on planning an international mission trip at the end of 2010 (I won't be able to go since the baby will be so young) and has so much on the calendar for the students.

My sewing business is going quite well. It seems to go in spurts of craziness and then a lull- right now I'm in one of those crazy spurts (Tim will confirm that it really is making me crazy!).

Eli is as curious as a mischievious kitten; this past week he stuck a 4 inch screw in his nose and the next day at school put graham cracker pieces in his nose. Everything long an skinny is a "tarrr" to him (his word for guitar). He plays songs on spatulas, yard sticks, and the remote control. We are done with diapers during the day, but still have an occasional accident and he has to wear a daiper at night. His cute little bottom looks so funny in his tiny little underpants (which are hard to find in his size!).

That's all I've got for now. A couple from church is coming over for dinner and it still looks like a state of emergency in my living room

I'll try to blog more often, my friends!

In Christ,

Gwenny

Funny Vacation Stories

2009-08-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

Several funny stories for you all:

Well, let me preface this all by telling you where we are. A wonderful couple from church invited us to use their condo for a week and we gratefully accepted. After visiting friends in Kansas City, we drove down to the condo here in Lake of the Ozarks.

Last night we went for a walk and we saw a sicada (sp?) crawling on the pavement. I pointed it out to Eli, and he put his hands on his knees and bent down to get a good look at it. Then, without hesitation, he stood up, stomped on the bug, and shouted, "Uh-oh!" as Tim and I looked on in dumbfounded disbelief at the now flat and lifeless bug.

Today we were all three brushing our teeth in front of the huge bathroom mirror and Eli started studying Tim closely for proper dental heigene tips. Usually Eli just sucks the toothpaste off his toothbrush and calls it good, but today he followed his Daddy's every move. Tim lapped up water from the faucet and swooshed it around in his mouth, Eli did the same. Tim spit the water out and rinsed his toothbrush off, so did Eli (although the "spitting" part was more like giving a raspberry). Then, Eli tapped his toothbrush on the side of the sink 3 times just like Tim and waltzed off. It was so cute.

Eli is finally mastering fork usage. To promote utensil use, I've been cheering for him when he correctly uses his fork. Tonight at dinner, he forked his potatoes into his mouth and hollered, "Yeah!" and clapped after each bite. What a goof!

We enjoyed the most wonderful delicacy today: a snicker caramel apple from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. It was a granny smith apple dipped in caramel, then a layer of vanilla peanut butter fudge, then chunks and crumbs of snickers, and finished with drizzles of milk chocolate. I have no idea how many calories this thing added to my hips, or how many years it subtracted from my life; what I do know is this: it was worth it!

We are enjoying ourselves so much and are very appreciative to the McFarland's for sharing their amazing condo with us. So far the only casualty is one coaster, but we promise to replace it! Sorry!

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

Great things St. Louis has to offer

2009-07-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

We have recently become huge fans of everything FREE in St. Louis and today was probably the best time yet! We went to check out the less-than-week-old city garden, which includes several fountains, sculptures, plants, and these squirt-up-from-the-ground water features that cry out "Run through me!"

We thought that it was going to be too cold to let Eli run through them, so none of us wore anything conducive to playing in the water (nor did we bring a spare change of clothes). But once Eli laid eyes on the water squirting up in the air, he wasn't going to let us get out of there without giving it a try. We stripped him down to his diaper and Tim sat down to babysit the stroller (aka "stay dry") while I stayed close to Eli as he toddled around the wet tile. A small crowd started gathering as Eli began to put on a comedy routine by holding his face over the water sprayers and they would suddenly and without warning expell huge amounts of water right into his face. He'd look up, gasp for air, and then giggle contagiously. Each time he would do something silly, gentle laughter would roll over the growing crowd that was now nearing 40 or so people. A fountain that was about 18 or 24 inches deep caught his eye and he headed toward it. It had a decent sized wall around it to avoid falling in, so I let him approach it thinking he'd be fine. In a split second, Eli had scaled the wall and jumped in the fountain. Without hesitating, I jumped in after him (screaming like a crazy idiot mom all the while). I plucked him from the water and put him back down to play in the squirty things, but he cried because he wanted back in the fountain. Every mom, grandma, and concerned onlooker in his audience also screamed when he fell into the fountain, but laughed when he cried to get back into the water. Everyone had learned his name by this point and was calling out, "Go Eli!"

After a half hour of chasing Eli and soaking my own clothes, tennis shoes, socks, and every square inch of my body, I decided it was time for us to dry off and move on. Eli didn't agree, but was forced to obey. Mind you, we dried Eli with a blanket and put his dry clothes back on, Tim never got a drop wet, and I left a trail of wet footprints for the over 3 miles that we walked (literally!). We walked down to the arch, went through the landing, met people from Canada and took a group picture for them, watched several helicopter tours land and take off, talked with some people from California, and then wound around downtown until we found a little Italian restaurant and grabbed some dinner.

We finally got back to the van to head home and I took of my tennis shoes and sock and my toes were wrinkly and icky from being in wet shoes for the past 3 hours. But, it was SO worth it! Eli was so fun to watch, Tim and I had a great time chatting as we strolled the streets of downtown, and we had great opportunities to talk to lots of people.

I can hardly wait for our next chance to go visit the City Garden...although next time I'm wearing crocs!

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

P.S.- For those of you who live far away, we invite you to come stay with us for a long weekend; we'll be glad to show you around our wonderful city!

A good day

2009-06-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

What better thing in life is there than sharing a glass of milk with someone you love as you munch on Chips Ahoy together? This morning Eli and I had each had our own stack of cookies (mine much taller than his stack of one) and he was delighted in taking swashy sips of my milk as crumbles of his cookie trailed back into the glass. I didn't mind a bit. The sheer joy in his eyes as he giggled after each gulp was enough to overcome how gross it was that the milk was tainted with chewed up bites.

God has truly blessed me with a wonderful son. Thank you, Lord!

New Pictures of the Monster Baby!

2009-05-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

Marathon?

2009-05-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

I don't quite know where to start, as it's been too long since I updated you all! Eli is doing great; he's growing and developing by leaps and bounds! He has really accelerated with his sign language and verbal skills. He now says, "shoe" and "-ock" pretty clearly. For some reason, the "s" in "sock" just doesn't want to come out. He is doing great with potty training; it's a rare occassion for him to have a poopy diaper anymore. I'm super proud of how wonderful he's doing!

Tim is terribly behind in his seminary workload. The administration was very kind to grant him an extension to complete his work. The college ministry is doing well; we've seen some growth since the shooting. I think it really caused many of our students to realize the importance of following Christ whole heartedly and making it a priority to be at church.

My business is going well and continues to grow a little each month. I've got some new items that I'll be putting on my website soon. Super cute custom outfits, tu-tu's (great for pictures!), cloth diapers, and a few other things. I've got some big orders to do this week and am looking forward to getting those finished and shipped.

I guess what I really want to tell you all about is my new goal. I've been flirting with the idea of training for a marathon for the last few weeks and last night as I watched Biggest Loser, I made up my mind that I'm going to do it! After a quick google search, I found a marathon (26.2 miles) in Columbia, Missouri on Labor Day. Most marathons are run on Sunday mornings, which just doesn't work well with our schedule, so I was glad to find one on a Monday! Today was my first day of training; I planned to go out and run for 30 minutes and I ended up running 4 miles...and I was even pushing the Monster Baby in the jogging stroller! I was happy with my workout, but fear that tomorrow it might be a feat to walk across the room without collapsing. I think what I really want from this marathon is more self discipline. I want to be that Proverbs 31 woman who rises early, the one who works hard and takes care of her family. I guess that's all for now, I'll keep you posted on my progress (or potential lack thereof!).

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

Fun with Eli

2009-04-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends! Here's a new video of Eli eating an apple.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQVaHB94GoU

He was sitting on the kitchen counter "helping" me wash dishes and he found an apple. He took a good look at it and chomped his mouth on it. He ended up eating almost every last bit of it (stem included!).

Thanks for your continued prayer, calls, cards, and emails. You are all such a blessing to us and we are thankful for your support in this rough time.

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

Life back to "normal"

2009-03-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in the last few weeks, as it's been pretty crazy around here. Yesterday Tim's boss told him to take the day off and spend time with Eli and I. So, we went to St. Louis and had fun in Forest Park. Below is a picture of Eli riding on Tim's shoulder, and he's leaning down for a kiss (which he always does with a wide-open slobbery mouth). This is Eli and I in front of the fountains in Forest Park.

This is Eli in the bathtub. When Daddy does bathtime, there are always lots of bubbles involved. He loves it!

This is Eli "helping" Daddy change the oil in the truck.

Tim and I are doing okay. There are moments when we just want to stay in bed and cry all day, but we know that is not what God wants. We have to stay strong and put on the armor of God- we're in an all out war, and we're not willing to let satan win. Please continue to pray for strength and healing for our church family, that we would always honor God with our words, thoughts, and actions. Thank you to all of you who have called, emailed, and sent cards. Your encouraging words and prayers are helping us to keep going. We love you all and are so thankful for such a wonderful family (friends, that is you, too!).

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

2009-03-09T15:08:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was undeniably the hardest day I've faced. But God's strength is enough to pick me up and keep me going. This morning as I was preparing to leave home, the Holy Spirit prompted me to look up Psalm 28. Verses 8 and 9 tell us that God is the strength of his people, he is our salvation, and he will carry us forever!

This is certianly a time when I need God to pick me up and carry me.

I'm not normally in the 8:15 service, but this past Sunday I went so that I could get back to the craft fair where I had a booth for the weekend. Tim went to teach our Sunday School class in the preschool wing but none of our kids showed up. He took a beeper so our Preschool Director could page him if more children showed up and he came to join me in the service. About 3 minutes into Pastor Fred's sermon, Tim got paged and had to leave the service. Less than 5 minutes later the gunman dressed in all black walked quickly down the center aisle. I was sitting in about the fourth pew on the center aisle. I saw him and thought, "Is he going up to give a testimony? He's not really dressed appropriately to be speaking on stage." Before I could finish my thought, he started shooting. The first shot hit Pastor Fred's Bible, causing little shreds of white paper to fly everywhere. I thought it was some kind of drama so I just sat there. I was so close I could have been there in 2 steps. Pastor Fred ran and jumped off the right side of our stage (it's elevated about 4 or 5 feet) and when he landed, the gunman stood over him and just shot. I remember so vividly seeing the orange explosion at the end of the barrell with each shot.

Two men came running up from the sanctuary and tackled the guy. At that point I realized that this all was real and I had to get Eli and Tim. I started to panic and ran to the preschool wing and into the nursery. Our pastor's 8th grade daughter was holding Eli. I grabbed him from her arms and ran out. I ran down to where Tim was and asked him if it was real. He asked what I was talking about and I started screaming that there has been a shooting. Tim ran out of the preschool wing as I chased him and begged for him to stay with me. I was afraid there were other shooters and that he would be killed, too. When I saw he wasn't going to stop, I fell to the ground and screamed. Someone took Eli from me (I don't remember who) and I just laid on the floor and cried.

These memories have been running through my mind over and over. Last night was rough. I couldn't fall asleep- all I could see was the man standing over Pastor Fred shooting over and over and over. I wish I could have done something when he was within my reach.

I have been replaying it all and wishing I would have taken action, but Tim is good to remind me that I couldn't have done anything. God is good to comfort me and He has already begun the healing process. I'm still working through the initial shock of everything and I pray that somehow, God will be glorified.

Last night we had a worship and prayer service and I experienced the most incredible worship ever. When I got home from the police station yesterday (I had to go be video taped), I got in the shower and asked the Lord, "What now, God? What now?" The only thing that came to me was, "I'll praise you in this storm." Yes, this is a storm- a very real and strong storm- but I will choose to praise. I don't understand what happened. I don't understand why it happened. I DO understand that God is present and He will prevail!

Today has been confusing. Tim went to church at about 7:30 and not too much later, I packed up Eli and walked up there, too. I didn't want to be alone. As I was standing in the church office, they walked through with the defibrilater and I lost it all over again. I spent the afternoon with Angie (our Children's Pastor's wife) and she had wonderful encouraging words to share.

I know that God is the strength of His people- our church body- and that he will carry us through this tough time.

Please continue to pray for Pastor Fred's family, for our staff (they're working very hard), for our church family, and for all of us who saw this horrible scene.

What a beautiful day!

2009-02-26T12:24:00.000-08:00

Rejoice! Rejoice in the Lord always! Just as Paul tells us in Philipians chapter 4, let us always be full of joy in the Lord. Today is an easy day to do just that! It's a cool 60-some degrees with a light breeze. I've got our windows open and am well on my way to checking everything off of my to-do list.

Eli is napping and Tim is at work. I'm sewing and having a good time chattin' it up with God. He's so good!

Happy Birthday, Monster Baby!

2009-02-20T12:10:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Eli! We celebrated Eli's birthday with two parties: one with the Stokes Grandparents, and one with the Lawson Grandparents. This picture is of Eli the Cowboy all dressed up for his party.

By the way, his diaper was dry when I took him potty a few minutes ago! He has gone 4 times in the toilet today! We bought him a potty seat, but he doesn't like it...he much prefers the real thing. Where does he get this independent-free-spirit-stubbornness?

2009-02-18T11:14:00.000-08:00

YEAH! Eli went poopy in the potty today! I started potty training him a couple of weeks ago and he's done remarkably well for only being 12 months old. I'm so very proud of my little guy. Wahoo!

P.S.- I wanted to take a picture and Tim said no, so be sure to thank him because you didn't get a picture with this post.

Oreos

2009-02-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

I like Oreos. I love Eli. I REALLY love Eli eating Oreos!

2009-02-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

This is Eli with one of my students, Riley. She LOVES Eli and claims to see him on TV daily. Her mom explained that any baby she sees on TV is, "Baby Ewi."

Please remember Eli, Tim, and I as you spend time in prayer today. Eli and I woke up with the stomack flu and our house is the epicenter of disgustingness. Right now he's laying calmly in his swing watching Sesame Street while Tim is caring for us.

Let's pray this is only 24 hours so we can be back at school tomorrow.

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

What a day...

2009-02-08T15:51:00.001-08:00

Oh, it has been quite a day around here. When I woke up this morning, the first thing I noticed was that my alarm clock wasn't flashing its big red numbers at me. Secondly, I noticed that it was freakishly cold in my house. I nudged (more like slammed my elbow into his rib cage) and told him to turn his lamp on to test our power. Sure enough, a beam of light was absent when I heard the lamp click. We were without power. I got myself out of bed and the second hit came: my bronchitis is 10 times worse than it was yesterday. We got ready as best we could and got to church. Third hit: church had no power and so only the outside rooms were usable. I worked my shift in the nursery and danced and sang in a nasaly/snotty voice to no avail in front of 9 screaming infants. I'm not kidding. I was bad.

After the service, I grabbed Eli and headed to the sanctuary (which was being lit by a flood light someone had hooked up to a generator). On the way, I ran into Tim and the panicked look on his face told me hit five was about to come: someone hacked into his facebook profile and wrote inappropriate things on a couple hundred other people's profile. To boot, we were without power and couldn't get on the computer to fix it (a few kind friends called to tell Tim he needed to get on Facebook and fix it...that's how we found out).

Power was restored to the church just as the third service was starting. We had lunch with the college students (courtesy of the Children's ministry volunteers) and came home for mandatory family nap time.

The takeaway: what might seem like catastrophes in the moment are merely bumps in the road. At least we're all alive and well and are being cared for by our great God. Let's praise Him for His goodness even in the midst of trials.

In the meantime, I'm still going to be grouchy.

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

My First Blog Entry

2009-02-07T11:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings, friends and family! Welcome to my blog. My faithfulness in sending out The Lawson Gazette has been lackluster, at best, so I've decided to start this blog to keep you all up to date on the happenings here on the Lawson homefront.

We've been doing well. Eli has been recovering quite well since his night in the hospital. I took him with me to the Upward game today and one mom commented that he still sounded "horrible." If only she could have heard him breath a week ago!

We went to the Valentine's Day banquet at church last night and had a blast. We got to sit with the Cochran's (Kate's parents...Kate is Eli's girlfriend...actually Kate's dad is our children's minister and the four of us parents have arranged Kate and Eli's wedding...they're only 2 weeks apart in age) and with the Ralston's (they're a really great couple from church). We had a super good dinner and then had a Christian comedian Paul Aldrich, or something like that. He was really good. Eli was Mr. Wildman when we picked him up from the nursery- he crawled over every square inch of the church while Tim was picking up chairs, etc, and when we got home, the tops of his socks and the knees of his pants were FILTHY! But, he had fun, so it was okay.

My Grandparents came yesterday and took us out to breakfast while on their way to see my brother Nathan and his wife Staci in Springfield, MO. We really enjoyed the time with them. My Grandma made Eli a Teepee for his birthday and he loves it! I'll take a picture and post it here on the blog soon.

My business is doing well. A lady named Kim found me on the internet and has asked me to sew many many things for her up and coming business. I'll write more about that later.

That's about all for now. When you're praying please continue to lift up our family as Eli kicks the last of his sickness and as I battle bronchitis and a sinus infection (would my name still be Gwen if I didn't get that combo at least 5 times a year?).

Tim keeps saying, "Eli, stop it!" so I should go rescue Eli before he takes a trip down spankin' alley.

In Christ,

Gwenny<><